On being bicultural and why it matters for your mental health
This week I want to talk about what it actually feels like to live between two cultures. Not the pride part, cause most of us have that part down! I’m talking more about the complicated, exhausting, sometimes lonely experience of being bicultural and not always feeling like you belong.
This was one of the focuses of my dissertation and as I talked to Latinas about their experiences growing up bicultural, what came through was that being bicultural can sometimes be a real source of psychological stress.
What does being bicultural mean?
Being bicultural means that you’re part of two cultures, two worlds. But it doesn’t mean you’re a 50/50 split. It’s more fluid than that. It’s a constant negotiation. There’s a saying, often attributed to La India María, that captures it perfectly: ni de aquí ni de allá I’m not from here, nor from there.
Some people have reclaimed that phrase and flipped it: de aquí y de allá — from here AND from there. That reframing is the goal, but getting there takes work.
I hear a lot from youth who say they feel very American at school and then come home to a completely different world. Or the reverse they feel most like themselves at home but othered out in the world. The constant switching between these spaces, always being aware of how you’re presenting, always code-switching can be tiring.
How biculturalism shows up differently for all of us
Your experience of biculturalism can look totally different depending on what generation you are. First gen. One-and-a-half gen. Second, third, fourth generation Latina. The relationship between your family’s culture and the American culture you grew up in shifts with each generation, and that adds its own layers of complexity.
There’s also the experience of feeling invisible or like a fraud. Maybe you look Latina but you don’t speak Spanish, or your Spanish is mocho, or someone in the family gives you a hard time for being “too Americanized.” There are Latinos in Colorado who’ve been here for generations before this was the U.S and they navigate their own version of this.
It is complicated and has layers!
When biculturalism becomes a source of stress
What came up in my research is that the psychological stress wasn’t just from the outside world, but it was also from within the community, and within the family.
A lot of parents, especially immigrant parents, are so afraid of their children losing their cultural connection that they end up policing how “Americanized” their kids become. And in practice the child is expected to learn English, get good grades, translate and interpret for the family whenever needed. But when they want to hang out with friends outside of school, join an extracurricular, or explore things outside of what feels culturally familiar, then that becomes asking for too much.
And I get where it comes from, there’s real fear of losing your child to assimilation. But the research, and frankly my clinical experience, shows that this kind of policing causes real harm. It makes kids feel like they have to earn their place in their own culture. And when they’re also being othered out in the world, and right now, with so much anti-brown rhetoric, there is a lot of that, they can end up feeling like they don’t belong anywhere.
We know from the research that one of the most important factors in mental health is belonging. When belonging is absent, we see depression, anxiety, and in serious cases, suicidal ideation.
The exhaustion of living in the in-between
Can we also just acknowledge how tiring it is? You go out into the world and you’re othered for being brown. You come home and you’re told you’re not Latina enough. You struggle to express yourself in Spanish in professional settings (same, honestly). You’re expected to be the cultural bridge, to translate, interpret, advocate, without anyone asking if that’s okay with you.
And as adults, this doesn’t just disappear. You might find yourself stuck between loyalty to your family of origin and the life you want to build. You might struggle with self-worth. The codeswitching becomes exhausting.
So what do we do about it?
First: tend to whatever wounds have come from living in that hard in-between. You might do this on your own, with others who get it, or in therapy.
Then: reclaim both of your identities, on your own terms. Not performing for either culture to earn approval. Integrate who you are, whatever that looks and feels like for you.
Some things that help:
Find your people. Being around others who get the in-between is genuinely healing. You don’t have to have identical experiences, even friends with different backgrounds who understand what it’s like to navigate two worlds can make a difference. For me, knowing my friends get it without me having to explain it is everything.
Name it in therapy. If you’re working with a therapist, bring this up. Biculturalism and cultural identity deserve space in the therapy room. It doesn’t get named often enough, and I believe it would do a lot for people who quietly struggle with belonging.
Stop policing other people’s culture and your own. No one should have to earn their place in their identity. I don’t care if your Spanish is mocho. I don’t care if you don’t like spicy food. (Okay, I might tease you a little.) But genuinely, you don’t have to prove you’re Latina enough. You just are.
If you’re raising bicultural kids: name the dynamic. Tell them what biculturalism is. Have honest conversations about it. Stay curious about their experience, even if yours was similar, theirs is their own. The greatest gift you can give them is letting them know that the in-between is a legitimate place to be.
Being bicultural is a gift
I want to be clear: I think being bicultural is genuinely badass. Being culturally fluent, being able to move between spaces, being able to hold multiple perspectives…I thinkthose are strengths. In my professional life, being bilingual and bicultural has allowed me to connect with monolingual Spanish-speaking clients, to bring cultural context into my clinical work, to be more empathetic to anyone who’s ever felt in-between.
But we have to be honest about the full picture before we can really stand in the gift of it.
So wherever you are in your bicultural journey, I want you to know: you belong. Both cultures are yours. You don’t have to earn it, perform it, or prove it.
De aquí y de allá, y eso es más que suficiente.
Want to keep exploring this? Listen to the full episode on The Chicana Therapist Podcast, and if this resonated, share it with someone who needs to hear it. And if you’re interested in going deeper, we have a retreat coming up in Oaxaca in September 2026 with me and therapist Claudia Muro. Five days of healing, connection, and community. Find out more here: https://thechicanatherapist.com/retreats/