You know her! Maybe you are her?
She’s the one with the clean house and the well-fed kids who somehow always look put together. She shows up to work early, prepared, and unbothered. She remembers your birthday before you do. When something goes wrong, she’s the one everyone calls, because she’ll handle it, and she always handles it.
From the outside, it looks like confidence and capacity, but underneath it all…she’s not sleeping because she’s replaying the day at 2am, running through everything she forgot or everything that could still go wrong. She doesn’t delegate because it’s just easier to do it herself.
This is what I call high-functioning anxiety, and I see it constantly in my work with Latinas.
It Doesn’t Look Like Anxiety and That’s the Problem
When most people picture anxiety, they picture someone falling apart or having panic attacks.
But there’s another version that doesn’t shut you down, it revs you up. It drives you to control everything you possibly can, because control feels like the only insurance against disaster.
And because society rewards every single symptom by calling it ambition, being driven, or just calling it just having your life together, this kind of anxiety can go unnamed for year or even decades. Usually it’s not recognized until burnout hits, or grief hits, or the body starts speaking up when the mind won’t slow down.
Why This Shows Up So Much in Latinas
This isn’t random and I think as Latinas we are more susceptible to it.
Marianismo taught many of us that a “good” woman is self-sacrificing, endlessly capable, and unshakably fuerte. She holds the family together and she doesn’t complain. When your identity is built around being the one who handles everything, the anxiety hiding underneath becomes invisible.
If any of this interests you, listen to the newest episode of The Chicana Therapist Podcast, “Perfecta Por Fuera”. Also, if it all resonates with you, check out our upcoming Oaxaca retreat for Latinas in September!